In Memoriam
Ma passed away a few days ago. In her 93rd year, the end came quietly, almost imperceptibly—an erratic pulse, two deep breaths, and then a stillness that felt like both departure and arrival. As I sat with the silence that followed, I realised that Ma, my mother, had been throughout her life a bridge—between worlds, between the slow rhythm of yesterday and the unrelenting urgency of today.
She was born into a Bengal still rooted in an older order, one among eight siblings, the third successive daughter in a family that longed for sons. Her given name, “China,” carried within it a wound of social prejudice. In colloquial Bengali, it implied “not wanted,” a stark reminder of how deeply patriarchal values once diminished the worth of a girl child. Yet, rather than allowing that name to define her, she infused it with dignity through the life she lived.
Her childhood belonged to a world we can barely imagine today—a house with a cowshed, a manual hand pump for water, and a pukur, a pond at the back where the family bathed. Dirt roads wound between houses, lanterns cast the evening glow, and chalk on slate was the beginning of literacy. But this simplicity was not untouched by history’s turbulence. Ma was a child when Japanese planes dropped bombs over Kolkata during the Second World War. She saw emaciated villagers streaming into the city during the Bengal famine of 1943, begging for fyan, the water from boiled rice, which households discarded. She was there when the horror of the Calcutta killings unfolded in 1946, a prelude to the traumatic Partition that would tear the subcontinent apart.
At nineteen, she married my father, more than a decade older, in the manner common to her time, seeing him for the first time on her wedding day, then journeying more than a thousand kilometers away to Delhi. Communication with her family in Calcutta became an exercise in patience: hand-written postcards, inland letters slipped into red post boxes, and the long wait for the postman that brought replies.
Her early years as a young bride unfolded in a government quarter on Punch Quin Road. Delhi summers were hot and dry, cooled only by the hum of ceiling fans and open windows. Even though she had to pick up the new language of Hindi, she formed easy friendships with neighbours, women bound together by proximity and mutual reliance. If she ran out of salt or turmeric while cooking, she would simply knock on a door and borrow. Life was slow, and its pace cultivated the virtue of patience. Waiting was not an inconvenience—it was a way of life. Waiting for letters, waiting for the dairy gate to open, waiting for a favourite song to emerge from the crackling radio.
As the years passed, her single-minded focus of her family became what defined her. She bore two sons and lived for her husband, her children, and later, grandchildren. Days blended into one another, but in that blending was the rhythm that gave her life meaning.
Meanwhile, the world outside was changing with increased speed. She saw the milk delivered warm from a cow at the dairy replaced by cold cartons stacked on supermarket shelves. She watched neighbourhood grocers, who once weighed vegetables on balance scales, give way to supermarkets where barcodes replaced conversation. She moved from the clunky rotary-dial telephone, whose every call was deliberate, to the age of the smartphone, where continents could collapse into a single video call. She saw handwriting, once a vital art, yield to text typed on computers and phones.
But what stands out most is how Ma absorbed these changes, without losing herself. She adapted, yet never forgot the cadence of the world she came from. She could marvel at a video call and also leaf through old preserved letters kept between the pages of the Panjika, the Bangla almanac that dictated her daily rituals. She delighted at the convenience and taste of instant noodles yet remained a reference point of how meals could be cooked slowly and better over coal or wood-based fire. In her, two worlds seemed to coexist, not in conflict, but in harmony. She was a living reminder that adaptation need not mean erasure, that continuity and change can inhabit the same soul.
Ma bore witness to the eradication of dreaded diseases like smallpox and polio, but also endured the arrival of Covid-19. She celebrated the births of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, while also grieving the loss of friends and siblings.
Four generations
Over the years, her own family shrank, with the passing of my father and brother. She increasingly withdrew into a world of her own inhabited by Jap, piety and meditation. During the last couple of years, she would hold my hand in silence, after blowing her shank, conch shell every evening. A mute reminder that I was the only one left of the family she had been devoted to.
Now, as I try to understand what she has left behind, I realise she was more than a mother; she was the bridge between what was and what will be. She connected the slow, earthy world of ponds, lanterns, and letters to the digital age of instant gratification and restless speed. She stood between fading traditions and emerging futures, carrying forward love, devotion, and humanity as constants amidst change. In her, I saw that resilience is not loud or forceful but quiet, steady, and accepting.
To live ninety-two years is to live many lives within one. As I look back at her long journey, I feel gratitude more than grief. For in her passing, she has not left me empty-handed. She has given me the assurance that change can be embraced without losing one’s essence. And she has shown me that love, patience, and quiet resilience are the true bridges between the worlds we inherit and the worlds we leave behind.
Shakti Ghosal
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A New Beginning 
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman! 🙏♥️
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Thank you for your kind words for my mother. I suppose for each one of us, our mother remains the most amazing woman.
Shakti
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What a heartfelt tribute to her🙏 You have summed up 93 years of her life journey, so beautifully, in so few words !
Shakti, loss of a parent always leaves a huge void in life, but am sure you can live with some sense of satisfaction that she lived a great life with love, compassion, courage and devotion to her family. Am sure her blessings, ideals, actions and teachings will continue to guide you and family in your life journey🙏
In corporate world, one single most problem we all encountered was – resistance to change. And here she was – continued to aopt, adapt and enjoy the change. My salute to her🙏
Shakti, once again very sorry for your immense loss. Our deepest condolences to you and family. May the noble soul rest in eternal peace🙏🙏🙏
NK🙏
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Hi NK,
Your kind words and presence her are truly appreciated.
As I have written in my post, I hold a greater sense of gratitude than grief at my mother’s passing away.For each one of us, our mother remains the most imporatant individual in our lives. My gratitude arises from the very personal memories I hold sinc e awareness.
And yes, my mother did adapt. To a new place, to a new language, to a changing world with its own shifting mores and priorities.
Thank you again NK
Shakti
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My heartfelt condolences to You and all members of family Sir. May her noble soul rest in peace.🙏🙏🙏🙏 Mother’s never leave us. May you feel her love in your heart every day. Om Shanti 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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Dear Love,
Thank you for your kind condolences and words. Truly appreciate.
Shakti Ghosal
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Shakti ji just now i read ur sentiments about Ma.Really I was feeling as if I m going through a eternal journey of son & mother. U explained her whole life.Specially ur command on language is superb.It shows ur love & gratitude both.If she is a good mother u r also a dedicated son.🙏🏾🙏🏾
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Dear Sushmaji,
I feel humbled by your kind words. The connection between a child and mother is always something special. The memories that I carry of my mother remains a treasure for me, something I will carry till my last day.
Yes, Ma was indeed a very good mother and I remain unsure how much of the love she gave me I could return and reciprocate.
Thank you
Shakti
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आपकी पूज्यनीय मां जो सर्वप्रथम गुरु होती है।आपको चलने से लेकर जीवन के प्रत्येक मूल्यों की जानकारी देती है। उनके आकस्मिक वेकुणठ को चले जाने से जो क्षति हुई है उसके लिए ईश्वर से प्रार्थना है कि दिवंगत आत्मा को शांति प्रदान करे । यही सत्य है वह स्वीकार करना ही मां के प्रति निष्ठा एवं आदर है ।
चन्द्र शेखर कपूर
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Kapoor Saa’b,
Thank you for your kind words and condolences. Indeed, my mother held my hand from my childhood and showed my how to be a good and pious human being. Whatever I am today is because of my mother. There is a void now and pray to the Almighty to fill it in a manner that I can continue living life with prpose and wisdom.
Kind Regards
Shakti
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Very well defined text about his mother with a masterpiece language depicted about her life from a young girl to great grand mother. I am pleased to know more about her & her life . To die in the hands of son is real moksha. May God give peace to her soul .
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Dear Mr. Khanna,
I am delighted that you liked the piece. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Kind Regards
Shakti Ghosal
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our heartfelt condolences to you and the family. My heart goes out to you, having just recently lost my own mother, my lifeline and support.So true,what you have beautifully expressed about them being a bridge between the old world and the new. Their world was all about their children, grandchildren and finally their great grandchildren. May her soul rest in peace . Mother’s never leave us. May you feel her love in your heart everyday.
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Dear Sushma,
Thank you for your condolences.
Inded yes, mothers are the lifeline and support of each one of us and I remain in gratitude that my mother could be with me for all these years. I now see a vacuum where her blessings used to be.
Shakti
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Beautifully written .. thank you!
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Delighted that you liked the piece. Appreciate.
Shakti
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I could write so much more as your description of our parents initial days are so well expressed by you every word is true and literally I could hear my mother telling me those words
Will you believe
Swati and I were talking about Masimar unusual name “ chaina” and without knowing anything i said definitely in our society a girl child’s birth was seen unwanted and Masimar naam they kept “ chai na “
If true can you imagine how much it must have pained her in childhood to overcome the intense feeling . In fact I have masi and pisis ( who are no more ) having pet names “ aar na – written Arona” , Elebele etc , ki bolbe about their mentality
Yes yes we have come a long long way and it is only because we had in our life bridges much much stronger than Howrah bridge ( just figurative expression ) on strength , character , conviction, humility and an all encompassing approach basically inclusiveness ( our present management jargon )
Onek likhe phellam pore delete kore diyo
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Dear Goutam,
Thank you for your beautiful comment.
As I have written in the post, Ma’s name had indeed kept as ‘Chai na’ meaning ‘Not wanted’. In English, the spelling became ‘China’. I remain unsure at what age Ma had the realisation of what her name signified. But one thing is for sure, she took the implied social stigma in her stride and grew up to be a wonderful human being. Though largely uneducated, her sharp mind allowed her to pick up important aspects of the world and over time, her nature made her the favourite child of my Dadu, Grandfather, who would have named her in the first place!
If the post led to you listening to ‘your Ma’s words’, I feel humbled.
Thanks Bondhu for your presence here.
Shakti
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Shakti ami bhalo bhabe du bar porlam
Khoob bhalo likecho
Through this write up I too got connected with my mother as canvass of their lives were similar
It touched and resonated my every emotional chord and I observed that without my knowledge a few drops of tear trickled down .
I lost my father when he was 67 years old in 1987 and ma in 1990 when she too was 67, I was just around 30/33 years , still memories got flashed back after reading your article and I thanked them as whatever we are today is because of them , they were indeed sethu ( Bridge in our life)
Khoob bhalo theko o Masimar Kaaj bhalo kore koro 🙏🙏
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Goutam,
I feel so very touched to read your thoughts here.Indeed, we are what we are because of our parents, their unstinted efforts and support and the values they ingrained in us. Tough at times, our self centricity makes us for get this aspect.
Thank you my friend for your presence here.
Shakti
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Very well written Baba. Could not control my emotions as i read this. I am sure she looks down from somewhere, proud of what she and her family has accomplished
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Thank you Vibhu. I remain certain that Ma waited for my return, saw me and then left for her heavenly abode. And yes, she is surely looking dwn upon us.
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🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Beautifully written Shradhanjali!
Reminds me of my Ma – lot of similarities of the generation.
I have seen similar names of girl children. One I remember is ‘Anna – short version of Aar Na (No more)’.
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Dear Goutam,
If my post reminded you of your mother, I feel humbled. Indeed, there were a lot of similarities in that generation.
Thank you for your presence here my friend.
Shakti
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Dear Shakti,
The eulogy you wrote for Mashima is indeed very moving. You covered her life’s journeys, trials and tribulations spanning four score years with so much detail which only a dedicated son can remember and describe.
You mother must be rightfully proud of you and must be sending her blessings to you from above. It is very difficult to process the loss of a close relative ,especially one’s Mother but life must go on.
Let her rest in peace in God’s eternal embrace.
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Dear Partha,
Thank you for the lovely comment. What I have written is based on what Ma used to tell me during my childhood days alongwith what I uswd to see and hear during our yearly visits to my Grandfather’s house in Kolkata. And yes, mother always holds a very special position in our hearts and minds.Since Ma’s passing, long lost memories keep coming up in my mind.
Truly appreciate your presence here.
Shakti
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I have read the text written by you, Buro. You have described her life very nicely. I am deeply touched. We all know that Maima was very hard working & devotional person. She is looking so beautiful in the photograph that you shared of her young age. I remember whenever she came to Shalimar Bagh, she used to bring singara for us. She was a very lively person. May her soul rest in peace , I pray her sharddha ceremony goes well. All the best. Take care .🙏🙏🙏
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Dear Boudi,
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. While I do not recall Ma’s taking singara’s to Shalimar Bagh, she always felt very close to you and other’s in Pishima’s family as we used to live close-by in our childhood days.I carry such wonderful memoroes of going to Pishima’s place with Ma in my childhood days and meeting Ramda and Amluda. Those were the days……. 🙂
I do look forward to meeting you during our visit to Delhi next time.
Please take care and God bless.
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Thank you
Sure
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Shakti da, I’m in tears reading the tribute you wrote for Maa. Pray God so that we get a fraction of the resilience that her generation people had. You are lucky that you could see her journey for so long and got her endless blessings!
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Dear Shanta,
Thank you so much for your presence here. I feel blessed to have had Ma besides me for so many years.
If the piece brought tears for you, it surely would have resonated and I feel so happy to know that.
Kind Regards
Shakti
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You are blessed, Shakti in seeing her in her later years while her own personhood adapted stoically to the world collapsing – and again rebuilding – around her
And she was blessed to have you
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Dear Vivek,
I feel so touched by your thoughtful comment. Thank you
Shakti
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Such a touching and beautifully penned tribute to Maa, Shakti da. I feel this memoir could connect n resonate with many of us who have experienced similar grief and emotions . May the great soul of Mashima rest in eternal peace 🙏🙏🙏
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Dear Sangita,
Thank you so much for the lovely comment. I feel so acknowledged to know that the piece resonated with you.
Truly appreciate your presence here.
Shakti
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You have written a master piece Shakti by celebrating the quiet yet forceful personality that your mother possessed. Weaving the past with the present in your tribute, makes one realise how she endured the changes over past 9 decades from pre independence rural set up to the stronger and more modern nation that we live in today. The pics that you have posted from her younger days to the time she became the great grand mother are wonderful.
Respect to your courageous, noble and pious Mother.
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Dear Rajiv,
I am so touched by your kind comment. Thank you.
What I have written and posted has been more of a spontaneous outpouring based on memoroes from my childhood.I am also delighted to know that you liked the pictures from yester years.
Thank you once again for your presence here.
Shakti
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Shakti da, I really liked what you wrote about the way Maa bridged the gap. The way you shared your Maa’s journey was fantastic. You are a truly loving son, and I’m sure she would be so proud to have you.
regards,
Deb
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Dear Deb,
Thank you, I feel humbled.
Shakti
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Saddened to hear about the news of your mother’s passing away. Your feelings are a testament of her life. Om shanti 🙏
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Thank you Syamal da for your kind words. I truly appreciate
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Very nicely captured the memory of your Mother.
Saddened to know of your mother’s passing away, please accept our condolences.
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Thank you Captain for your presence here. I appreciate your kind words.
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This was such a beautiful yet emotional read ❤️ Thank you for creating and sharing something so heartfelt, Baba 🙏🙏
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Glad you find it so Piya. Do share it to others in your groups. It would allow them to know about where you come from.
Love Baba
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A mother is our greatest source of inspiration. Her strength carries us through the toughest times, and her kindness lights even our darkest days. With quiet resilience and endless love, she teaches us compassion, courage, and the true meaning of selflessness. I admire her not just for what she does, but for the heart with which she does it.
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Hi Bishwal,
Thise are lovely thoughts and I could not have articulated them better. Thank you for your presence here.
The memories that I hold of my mother is the treasure that I would carry till the last day of my life.
Thank you for your presence here today.
Regards
Shakti
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Wonderful thoughts on your mother. Appreciate your bonding and understanding.
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Beautifully written and such a loving tribute to Pamma. I am blessed to be from a family of such strong women.
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wow!! Shakti so vividly clear. Did you just write ..gosh you were talking to us about it… wonderful!! What a beautiful tribute !! Loved it
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Indeed yes. And I am delighted you hold the awareness of that.
Cheers
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