Personal – A New Beginning

THE UMBRELLA THAT NEVER FOLDED

Today is my Ma’s first death anniversary. She left us last year, at the beginning of her 93rd year.

Since yesterday, memories of her have been coming back—not as one coherent story, but as fragments of a life. Faces, places, gestures, little acts of love. And somewhere between those memories, I have been trying to understand what my Ma really meant to me.

She was born in Kolkata in 1933. The fifth child and third daughter in a conservative Bengali family, she never went to school. In those days, boys went to school; girls stayed at home and were educated within the family. Perhaps that is why it is strangely ironic that she became one of the greatest teachers of my life. She was nicknamed ‘Chaini’—’unwanted’. Yet the small girl who was given that name grew up to be sharp, intuitive, positive and remarkably resilient. She inherited her father’s deep faith and took naturally to religious rituals.

At nineteen, she was married to my father, thirteen years her senior, and left Kolkata for a distant Delhi—trustingly holding the hand of a man who was, in many ways, still a stranger to her. And then she did what she seemed to do throughout her life. She adapted. She learnt a new language, a new city, new customs, new people and a completely different social environment. And over the next six decades, she built a home and a family there. For my father, for my brother and me, for all of us.

Ma had an extraordinary ‘can do’ spirit. Problems were meant to be dealt with, not worried about. Her positivity was infectious. Looking back, I realise how much of that quality I have inherited from her. She was our protective umbrella. And I remember the small things beneath that umbrella. The fresh orange juice she would get for me every afternoon from the neighbourhood juice shop. Her familiar assurance—“All will be well”—whenever I was feeling low or disheartened. Her cooking my favourite dishes when I returned home from the hostel. The countless little acts of care which, at the time, seemed so ordinary that I never stopped to think that they were, in fact, expressions of an extraordinary love.

Memories have a strange way of returning when someone is no longer there. And with them comes a painful realisation. I provided for her needs and comforts as she grew older. But did I give her enough of myself? Enough time, enough companionship? Enough of the simple presence that a mother perhaps seeks from her son as the years advance? I don’t think I did. Life became busy. Work, responsibilities, my own family, the endless hurry of everyday existence. And somewhere in that hurry, I perhaps forgot that while I was moving forward with my life, my mother’s world had gradually become smaller. Yet, even then, she never complained. Even till her last days, whenever I asked her how she was feeling, her instinct was to reassure me. As if even at the end, she did not want to burden her son with her troubles.

That was Ma. The umbrella remained open. Till the very end. There was one ritual that stayed with us almost till her last day. In the evening, when I went to sit with her for a while, she would blow her conch shell. That sound has stayed somewhere deep inside me.

Today, a year after she left, I sometimes imagine that she has finally met Bapi, my father, again. Thirty-two years after his departure. I imagine the two of them sitting together somewhere, having a cup of tea after such a long separation. And perhaps, every now and then, looking down at me. I don’t know whether there is such a place. But I like to believe there is. Because some bonds are perhaps not broken by death they simply become invisible.

My Ma came into this world as a little girl called ‘unwanted’. She left it having spent ninety-two years giving love, strength and blessings to everyone around her. And perhaps that is the deepest irony of her life.

Today, I don’t mourn only the mother I lost. I would like to celebrate the woman she was. And I remain deeply conscious of the greatest blessing she left me— a lifetime spent under an umbrella of unconditional love. Ma, the umbrella may no longer be visible. But I still feel its shade. And I always will. ❤️

In musing……. Shakti Ghosal

What If ……….

We Have Misunderstood Our Place in the World?

I spent the morning watching the animals move across the Kenyan savannah. There were wildebeest everywhere. Zebras moved among them almost casually. An elephant and its cub stood beneath a tree. In the distance, the landscape seemed to stretch endlessly, without walls, roads or buildings to interrupt it. For a while, I simply watched.

There was something strangely humbling about seeing so many creatures occupy the same landscape without any apparent need to possess it. They did not own the land. They did not draw boundaries across it. They did not put up signs announcing that a particular piece of earth belonged to them. They simply lived there.

And then a thought occurred to me. What if we have misunderstood our place in the world?

For centuries, we have measured human progress by our ability to control nature. We cut down forests and called it development. We dammed rivers and called it progress. We covered open land with concrete and called it urbanisation. We moved mountains, redirected water, altered landscapes and exterminated species after species, making them disappear. And while doing so, we often congratulated ourselves on our ingenuity and intelligence.

But somewhere along the way, we perhaps began to confuse our ability to control something with the right to own it. The savannah seemed to offer me a different philosophy. The animals did not appear to be conquering the land. They were part of it. The elephant did not need to dominate the tree beneath which it stood. The zebra did not need to fence off its patch of grass. The wildebeest did not need a title deed to the earth beneath its feet. They belonged to the landscape without claiming it. Perhaps that is what we have forgotten. We speak endlessly about what we will leave behind. Be it buildings, businesses, fortunes, roads or institutions. We would strive to leave our names on plaques and our photographs on walls. But perhaps there is another kind of legacy…….

The Zebra did not need to fence off its grass….

What we choose not to destroy. The forest we would leave standing. The river and the waterbody we would allow to remain clean. The animal(s) whose habitat we would protect. The open space we chose not to convert into concrete. The silence we did not fill.

Standing there in Kenya, I began to wonder whether civilisation should really be measured by how much of nature we can bend to our will. Or how much of nature we chose to leave as it is. Perhaps the more difficult measure is how much power we possess—and how much restraint we exercise. Because restraint requires something that conquest does not. It requires us to recognise that we are not the center of everything. The realisation that the earth existed before us, the wild existed before our cities, our borders and our ambitions. And, if we are wise enough, much of it will continue to exist after we are gone.

Perhaps we are not the owners of this world after all. Perhaps we are merely its temporary custodians. We arrived without asking permission. We will leave without taking anything with us. Between those two moments lies the brief privilege of being of who we are and our presence here.

We remain privileged to have been here…….

And so I find myself asking a different question. Not simply, what will we build while we are here? But, what will remain because we were here? I closed my notebook. The animals continued moving across the savannah. They had not heard my question. Perhaps they did not need to. They seemed to know the answer already.

— Rudra Bose, the Last Writer of Kolkata

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Amboselli: Where the Wild still writes it’s Own story….

There are some journeys where you return with photographs. And then there are journeys where you return with a changed sense of perspective. Yesterday was one of those days.

We spent an entire day driving through Amboseli National Park, and for hours the landscape seemed to reinvent itself. One moment, there were vast open plains stretching towards the horizon. Then came a wetland, a cluster of acacia trees, a dusty track disappearing into the distance, or a herd of elephants appearing almost magically against the landscape.

Amboseli is often described as the “home of the African elephant”. It is easy to understand why. We saw elephants in different groups, some quietly grazing, some walking purposefully across the plains, and others simply standing there with that extraordinary, almost contemplative presence that elephants seem to possess.

There were hundreds of zebras and wildebeests, moving across the grasslands in groups that seemed almost endless. Gazelles appeared in the distance, alert and graceful. Giraffes rose above the vegetation like living sentinels. Baboons went about their business with an irreverence that was almost human.

And then there were the birds. Some were familiar, others completely new to my eyes. Their colours, shapes and calls added another dimension to the landscape. I came to know that Amboseli is, in fact, an important birding destination, with more than 400 recorded bird species.

What makes this place particularly remarkable is that it is not simply a collection of animals. It is an ecosystem, delicately interconnected through water, grass, wetlands, migration and seasons. We came to know that the seemingly dry landscape also has wetlands and springs fed by water originating from the slopes and underground systems associated with Mount Kilimanjaro. That water sustains an astonishing abundance of life.

And somewhere in the distance, when the clouds allow it, stands Kilimanjaro—Africa’s highest mountain—watching silently over the entire drama.

That contrast stayed with me. A mountain that appears timeless. Animals that seemed to live entirely in the present. And we, the human beings, who spend much of their lives worrying about tomorrow.

For me that seemed to be one of the quiet lessons of yesterday’s safari. The zebra does not know it is part of a magnificent ecosystem. The elephant does not pause to admire the landscape. The giraffe does not contemplate the sunset.They simply live in the here and now. We, on the other hand, are constantly rushing through life while trying to capture it.

Yesterday, sitting in a safari vehicle and watching one landscape after another unfold, I found myself wondering whether wilderness is really about seeing animals. Perhaps it is about seeing ourselves differently.

Amboseli did not need to tell us that life is precious. It simply demonstrated it—silently, continuously, and without asking for our attention. I only had to be quiet enough to notice.

In musing….. Shakti Ghosal

20th July: Between a Briefcase and the Moon

There are some dates on the calendar that quietly gather meanings over a lifetime. For me, 20th July is one of them.

As a child in Delhi, I was fascinated by the Second World War. That fascination began at home. My father had an extraordinary gift for storytelling, and through his words I travelled to battlefields, cities in ruins and moments when the fate of the world seemed to rest on the decisions of a handful of people. Those stories led me to books, documentaries and films, and much later, to Berlin itself.

Over the years, I visited Berlin many times. Once, I even stayed in what had once been East Berlin, long after the Wall had disappeared. Yet the city still carried memories that no bulldozer could erase. Every street seemed to whisper history. Years ago, I wrote a blog titled Those Faces of Berlin (https://esgeemusings.com/2013/04/01/those-faces-of-berlin/ ) , reflecting on that remarkable city and, among other things, the failed attempt by Claus von Stauffenberg and his fellow conspirators to assassinate Hitler with a bomb hidden in a briefcase on 20th July 1944.

Operation Valkyrie failed. Hitler survived. Many of those who dared to resist paid with their lives. Yet what has stayed with me is not merely the failure of the plot but the courage behind it. Sometimes history remembers victories. Sometimes it remembers those who knew they would probably lose, yet chose to act because conscience demanded nothing less.

Bendlerblock, Berlin – Where the conspirators were executed

Exactly twenty-five years later, on another 20th July, humanity wrote a very different chapter.

I was a small boy then. I still remember my father listening intently to the live broadcast of the Apollo 11 Moon landing on the Voice of America. Later that day, we went to the United States Information Service near Mandi House in New Delhi to see the full-size replica of the Lunar Module. Like countless others of my generation, I stared at it in wonder. For days afterwards, our classroom conversations revolved around rockets, astronauts and a future that suddenly seemed limitless. Even 2001: A Space Odyssey, set what then felt like the distant future, no longer appeared to be science fiction.

Decades later, I travelled to that Mecca of Space travel, NASA’s Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral. For me the trip was a pilgrimage in more sense than one. As I roamed between the life size models of the Saturn V rocket, the command and the lunar modules of the Apollo program, my mind once again went back to the 20th July of more than half a century back. I also came to know of the Artemis program tasked to once again send Man to the Moon. I wrote a blog on that visit : https://esgeemusings.com/2022/05/19/the-children-of-zeus/

Apollo 11 Lunar Module on the moon

It strikes me that these two events, separated by a quarter of a century yet sharing the same date, reveal the astonishing range of the human spirit.

On one 20th July, people risked everything to rid the world of tyranny. On another, human beings stepped onto another world altogether.

One date reminds us of humanity’s darkest impulses. The other celebrates its brightest possibilities.

Perhaps that is why every year, when 20th July arrives, I think not only of history but also of choice. We are capable of building dictatorships, and we are capable of building spacecraft. We can choose fear, or we can choose courage. We can remain trapped by our past, or we can reach for horizons that once seemed impossible. History does not merely tell us who we were. It quietly asks us who we wish to become.

What does 20th July evoke for you—a lesson from history, or a reminder of humanity’s endless capacity to dream?

In musing…… Shakti Ghosal

The Match That Refused to Become a Classic

Or perhaps, more truthfully… The Night Football Taught Me One Last Lesson

For days, the build-up had been impossible to escape. Argentina versus Spain, the reigning World Champions against the reigning European Champions. Kolkata itself seemed to be preparing for battle. Giant screens were being erected across the city, clubs announced that their bars would remain open well past midnight, and even the Chief Minister joined the excitement by supporting public screenings across the districts.

My wife and I prepared with equal seriousness. Dinner was served early. Television was politely ignored. We even resisted the temptation of “just one episode” of our favourite series. Sleep was carefully scheduled like a military operation. For once, my biological clock decided to cooperate. I woke up five minutes before the alarm, feeling rather pleased with myself. If only Argentina had been equally punctual…….

From the opening whistle, Spain looked every inch the team we had admired throughout the tournament. Their passing was crisp, their movement effortless and their control of the midfield almost hypnotic. Watching Rodri and company was like watching expert chess players move pieces three moves ahead.

Argentina, on the other hand, looked strangely burdened. The flowing football that had carried them to the final had vanished. Passes went astray. Clearances seemed to arrive at Spanish feet with remarkable generosity. Creativity had apparently decided to sleep in, unlike me. The longer the match went on, the stranger it became. This was supposed to be a feast, instead, it felt like waiting for fireworks that stubbornly refused to ignite. Only one man seemed determined to keep Argentina alive, Emiliano Martínez, the Goal Keeper. Save after magnificent save, he single-handedly prevented the scoreline from becoming embarrassing. Had the trophy been awarded to goalkeepers alone, the ceremony could have ended much earlier.

Half-time came. Then full-time. Still no goals. Argentina was eventually reduced to ten men after a red card, and one could almost sense the inevitable drawing closer. In the second half of extra time, Ferran Torres finally found the breakthrough that Spain had threatened all night. It proved enough. Argentina launched one desperate final assault. Messi searched for one last moment of magic. Instead, his final effort struck a Spanish defender before the whistle brought an end not just to the match, but almost certainly to one of the greatest World Cup careers football has ever witnessed.

The image that stayed with me was Messi sitting quietly on the turf. Sometimes silence speaks louder than celebration. As I finally went back to bed at nearly four in the morning, I realised that football had once again wandered into philosophy. Every once in a while, we meet someone—or some team—that is simply better on that particular day. There is no shame in acknowledging excellence. In fact, there is wisdom in it. Spain didn’t win because Argentina failed. Spain won because they played almost the perfect tournament. And perhaps that is the hardest lesson of all. Not every disappointment is the result of our shortcomings. Sometimes, someone else simply deserves the applause……

Even if, somewhere in Kolkata, two sleep-deprived football fans quietly wished the ending had been different.

In musing…. Shakti Ghosal

Another night. Another World Cup. Another reminder that sport is often life, compressed into ninety minutes.

Just after midnight, my wife switched on the bedroom television.

“We’ll watch for a little while,” we told ourselves.

It was well past 2:00 a.m. when we finally went to sleep.

Some football matches don’t merely decide who reaches a World Cup final. They quietly dismantle the assumptions we carry into them.

Like millions around the world, I had convinced myself that France would find a way. Kylian Mbappé had been in breathtaking form throughout the tournament. The media had almost made it sound inevitable that France would be playing in the final.

But football has an inconvenient habit of ignoring predictions. Spain didn’t just beat France 2-0. They educated them.

From the opening whistle, Spain controlled the rhythm of the game as though they were conducting an orchestra. Rodri, Fabián Ruiz and Dani Olmo seemed to have all the time in the world. Every French pass near the Spanish goal arrived a fraction too late. Every misplaced touch was punished. Every attempt to speed up the game was calmly absorbed before Spain slowed it down again.

What impressed me most was not Spain’s goals. It was their patience.

In an age where everyone celebrates speed, Spain reminded us that control is often the greater strength. They never appeared hurried. They trusted the process, trusted each other and trusted the game plan.

Perhaps the most striking moment came after the final whistle. There were no excuses. Mbappé admitted that France had been outplayed. He spoke of the tactical shortcomings, the lack of communication, the technical mistakes and Spain’s superiority in controlling the midfield. It takes courage to win. It takes even greater courage to lose with honesty.

That, for me, was the lesson of the night. Spain didn’t produce magic. They produced mastery.

As I finally switched off the television sometime after two in the morning, I realised that the World Cup had once again offered a lesson far beyond football. The game does not always belong to the team with the biggest stars. Sometimes, it belongs to the team that plays the better game. And perhaps life works that way too.

In musing…… Shakti Ghosal

Those Cries in the Wild….

We had spent years chasing a rumour.

The Royal Bengal Tiger was always just beyond the frame—a whisper in mangroves, a rumour in grasslands, a story told by guides with knowing smiles.

In the Sundarbans, they warned us, “Don’t look too hard. If you see one, chances are you won’t be seen after.” We looked anyway. We saw nothing.

At Ranthambore National Park, dawn and dusk gave us…..
Pugmarks, droppings, and growing humility.

At Periyar Wildlife Sanctuary, they didn’t even pretend. “Forget it,” they said kindly.

And then— it was the turn of Tadoba Tiger Reserve……where, quite unexpectedly, fortune decided to shift…. and behave like Lucknow hospitality.

It began like a well-directed play. Our jeep was rolling lazily when the guide suddenly sprang up, as if the forest had whispered directly into his spine—
“Look behind!”

And there she was. A tigress. Standing squarely on the road. Unhurried. Unapologetic. Entirely in charge.

She gazed past us, not at us— as though we were merely an inconvenient paragraph in her story. A low, resonant rumble followed. And then another and another.

“That,” the guide declared with reverence, “is the mother calling her children.”

Of course she was. Even in the wild, mothers don’t wait forever.

What then transpired in front of our eyes was akin to a screenplay. But of the most elegant kind.

As we continued to be transfixed by the one behind, the guide shouted again and pointed. From the front, another tigress appeared—a sibling, perhaps…….She carried a prey in her jaws with the nonchalance of someone bringing snacks to a gathering.

The mother’s rumble deepened.

Translation (we imagined): “Food is fine. But where are the children?”

And then we saw them again. Three grown cubs, walking in a line— like reluctant teenagers responding to a call they had heard thrice already.

They were magnificent. And mildly disobedient.

The mother paced the shoreline now, her calls shifting between soft persuasion and unmistakable authority. It was a language older than words— half love, half command. The forest listened. So did we.

One cub made the first move. It slipped into the water, cutting through it with quiet determination—towards the waiting mother. The other two paused. Of course they did. Every family has those who hesitate at the edge.

The mother, now joined by the brave one, turned and looked back at the rest of the family on the other side. A decision was made and the mother and cub swam again. Not away, but towards the uncertain. And then, as if reminded of something fundamental, the remaining two followed.

For a moment, time forgot to move. Four tigers. Water rippling. Sunlight holding its breath. And us— utterly irrelevant, yet impossibly privileged.

We had spent years trying to see a tiger. This time we were seeing something else. Not power. Not danger. Not even wilderness. We merely saw a mother trying to gather her children.

And in that quiet, persistent calling, echoing across water and time, the jungle revealed its oldest truth: In every world, wild or civilised, the fiercest force is not the hunt—it is the pull of belonging.

In musing………….. Shakti Ghosal

Four Seconds That Changed a Leader

More than a decade after my coaching certification, certain ideas still return to me with surprising clarity. One of them is deceptively simple:

The difference between reacting and responding.

Most leaders intellectually understand this distinction. Few recognise how profoundly it shapes their daily impact.

I was reminded of this during a coaching conversation with a senior executive — let me call him Raghav. Raghav was known for his brilliance and intensity. Quick thinker. Decisive. Deeply committed. But his team described him using another word, offered cautiously and repeatedly: “Intimidating.”

When he came into coaching, his concern was framed differently. “My team has become strangely silent,” he told me. “Meetings lack energy. No one challenges anything. It’s frustrating.”

Frustration, I have learned, is often an interesting doorway.

“What usually happens when someone disagrees with you?” I asked. He looked puzzled. “Nothing unusual. We discuss.”

But leaders rarely observe their own behavioural patterns with accuracy. Our reactions are invisible to us precisely because they are so familiar. So, I asked him to walk me through a recent meeting.

He described a discussion where a junior manager questioned a proposal. As he narrated the incident, something subtle appeared — not in his words, but in his tone. “I explained why the idea wouldn’t work,” he said.

Then after a pause: “Perhaps a bit sharply.” “What do you think the manager experienced in that moment?” I asked. He shrugged. “Direct feedback.” “And if we asked them?” Silence.

The human mind is wonderfully efficient at justifying its own reactions.

In coaching, reactions are rarely the real story. Triggers are.

“What specifically triggered your response?” I asked. “The suggestion didn’t make sense.” “Was it the quality of the idea,” I continued, “or the fact that it challenged yours?”

That question lingered longer. Eventually he smiled — the kind that signals reluctant insight. “I don’t like being questioned in areas I know well.”

There it was. A deeply human pattern. Trigger → irritation → sharp dismissal.

Repeated often enough, reactions harden into leadership style. Unexamined long enough, they reshape culture.

We explored a small experiment. “Next time you feel that familiar irritation,” I said, “don’t change your opinion. Don’t soften your standards. Simply pause.”

“Pause?”

“Four seconds,” I suggested. “One breath. No words.” He laughed. “That sounds trivial.” “It is trivial,” I agreed. “And extremely difficult.”

Because reactions are automated. Responses are chosen.

Several weeks later, Raghav returned with an observation that genuinely surprised him. “The meetings feel different,” he said.

“What changed?”

“I haven’t changed my decisions,” he clarified. “But I’ve started noticing the moment before I speak.”

“And?”

“The irritation is still there,” he admitted. “But the pause stops me from firing.” That single gap — barely a few seconds — had altered the emotional climate of his interactions.

People spoke more. Defensiveness reduced. Energy returned. Nothing structural had changed. Only awareness.

Reacting is effortless because it is borrowed from the past — old patterns, old triggers, old conditioning.

Responding requires presence. Choice. Consciousness.

Who would imagine that leadership transformation might sometimes begin not with strategy, but with something far smaller? One breath. Four seconds.

Just enough space for wisdom to enter where habit once ruled.

In Musing…… Shakti Ghosal

The Promise No One Else Enforces

A decade after my executive coaching certification, one idea continues to stay with me: Accountability is rarely about others. It is about the promises we make to ourselves.

Not the corporate version of deadlines, dashboards, and reviews. Something quieter. More personal.

A simple question: Who holds us accountable for the things that truly matter?

The uncomfortable answer: we do.

Some time ago, a senior leader — let’s call him Arvind — walked into my office. Highly capable. Well respected. Clearly exhausted.

“I’m working harder than ever,” he said, “but everything feels stuck.”

Experience has taught me that “everything” usually has a centre of gravity.

“What feels most stuck?” I asked.

“My restructuring initiative,” he replied. “Everyone agrees it’s necessary. But it’s just not happening.”

“What’s stopping it?”

“The usual,” he sighed. Quarterly pressures. Reviews. Endless fires. Bad timing.

Logical. Reasonable. Entirely human.

But then I asked him three questions:

“If the Chairman had mandated this with a deadline — would it still be pending?”
“Of course not.”

“If your compensation depended on it?”
“Would have been done already.”

“If your team’s survival required it?”
“ Then, I would have done it yesterday.”

And there it was. The barrier wasn’t capability, clarity, or even time. It was consequence. Nothing happened if he delayed. No penalty. No discomfort. No urgency.

“Whose goal is this restructuring?” I asked.

“Mine.”

“Imposed?”

“No.”

“Do you believe in it?”

“Completely.”

“Then what agreement have you made with yourself about it?”

Silence. Then a smile of recognition. “None.”

Many of us confuse intention with commitment.

We say:

• I should do this
• I need to get to that
• I’ve been meaning to…

But progress rarely responds to “should.”

“What if,” I suggested, “you treated this not as a project — but as a promise?” Something you either honour or break. Not endlessly postpone.

“What’s the next visible action?” I asked.

“Announcing it to my leadership team.”

“When?”

“…Friday.”

“And how would you like me to support your accountability?” That question matters. Accountability imposed feels like control. Accountability invited becomes partnership.

“Ask me next week,” he said. “And challenge me if I haven’t done it.”

The following Tuesday he returned, noticeably lighter. “It’s done.”

“What changed?”

“I stopped treating it as something I should do,” he said, “and started treating it as something I had said I would do.”

A small shift. A profound one.

The most important commitments in our lives rarely come with external enforcement. No one penalises postponed courage. No dashboard tracks delayed growth. And yet, these commitments shape everything.

Accountability is not a management technique. It is a quiet act of integrity —an agreement between who we are today and who we intend to become.

Curious to hear your thoughts: 👉 Where have you seen self-accountability make the biggest difference in leadership or life?

In Musing……… Shakti Ghosal

Ma—A Bridge Between Two Worlds

In Memoriam

Ma passed away a few days ago. In her 93rd year, the end came quietly, almost imperceptibly—an erratic pulse, two deep breaths, and then a stillness that felt like both departure and arrival. As I sat with the silence that followed, I realised that Ma, my mother, had been throughout her life a bridge—between worlds, between the slow rhythm of yesterday and the unrelenting urgency of today.

She was born into a Bengal still rooted in an older order, one among eight siblings, the third successive daughter in a family that longed for sons. Her given name, “China,” carried within it a wound of social prejudice. In colloquial Bengali, it implied “not wanted,” a stark reminder of how deeply patriarchal values once diminished the worth of a girl child. Yet, rather than allowing that name to define her, she infused it with dignity through the life she lived.

Her childhood belonged to a world we can barely imagine today—a house with a cowshed, a manual hand pump for water, and a pukur, a pond at the back where the family bathed. Dirt roads wound between houses, lanterns cast the evening glow, and chalk on slate was the beginning of literacy. But this simplicity was not untouched by history’s turbulence. Ma was a child when Japanese planes dropped bombs over Kolkata during the Second World War. She saw emaciated villagers streaming into the city during the Bengal famine of 1943, begging for fyan, the water from boiled rice, which households discarded. She was there when the horror of the Calcutta killings unfolded in 1946, a prelude to the traumatic Partition that would tear the subcontinent apart.

At nineteen, she married my father, more than a decade older, in the manner common to her time, seeing him for the first time on her wedding day, then journeying more than a thousand kilometers away to Delhi. Communication with her family in Calcutta became an exercise in patience: hand-written postcards, inland letters slipped into red post boxes, and the long wait for the postman that brought replies.

Her early years as a young bride unfolded in a government quarter on Punch Quin Road. Delhi summers were hot and dry, cooled only by the hum of ceiling fans and open windows. Even though she had to pick up the new language of Hindi, she formed easy friendships with neighbours, women bound together by proximity and mutual reliance. If she ran out of salt or turmeric while cooking, she would simply knock on a door and borrow. Life was slow, and its pace cultivated the virtue of patience. Waiting was not an inconvenience—it was a way of life. Waiting for letters, waiting for the dairy gate to open, waiting for a favourite song to emerge from the crackling radio.

As the years passed, her single-minded focus of her family became what defined her. She bore two sons and lived for her husband, her children, and later, grandchildren. Days blended into one another, but in that blending was the rhythm that gave her life meaning.

Meanwhile, the world outside was changing with increased speed. She saw the milk delivered warm from a cow at the dairy replaced by cold cartons stacked on supermarket shelves. She watched neighbourhood grocers, who once weighed vegetables on balance scales, give way to supermarkets where barcodes replaced conversation. She moved from the clunky rotary-dial telephone, whose every call was deliberate, to the age of the smartphone, where continents could collapse into a single video call. She saw handwriting, once a vital art, yield to text typed on computers and phones.

But what stands out most is how Ma absorbed these changes, without losing herself. She adapted, yet never forgot the cadence of the world she came from. She could marvel at a video call and also leaf through old preserved letters kept between the pages of the Panjika, the Bangla almanac that dictated her daily rituals. She delighted at the convenience and taste of instant noodles yet remained a reference point of how meals could be cooked slowly and better over coal or wood-based fire. In her, two worlds seemed to coexist, not in conflict, but in harmony. She was a living reminder that adaptation need not mean erasure, that continuity and change can inhabit the same soul.

Ma bore witness to the eradication of dreaded diseases like smallpox and polio, but also endured the arrival of Covid-19. She celebrated the births of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, while also grieving the loss of friends and siblings.

Four generations

Over the years, her own family shrank, with the passing of my father and brother. She increasingly withdrew into a world of her own inhabited by Jap, piety and meditation. During the last couple of years, she would hold my hand in silence, after blowing her shank, conch shell every evening. A mute reminder that I was the only one left of the family she had been devoted to.

Now, as I try to understand what she has left behind, I realise she was more than a mother; she was the bridge between what was and what will be. She connected the slow, earthy world of ponds, lanterns, and letters to the digital age of instant gratification and restless speed. She stood between fading traditions and emerging futures, carrying forward love, devotion, and humanity as constants amidst change. In her, I saw that resilience is not loud or forceful but quiet, steady, and accepting.

To live ninety-two years is to live many lives within one. As I look back at her long journey, I feel gratitude more than grief. For in her passing, she has not left me empty-handed. She has given me the assurance that change can be embraced without losing one’s essence. And she has shown me that love, patience, and quiet resilience are the true bridges between the worlds we inherit and the worlds we leave behind.

Shakti Ghosal

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