Releasing Judgment- a conversation from the past

Over coffee during an office one to one meeting, a colleague—let’s call him Arvind—looked visibly irritated.

“Honestly,” he said, stirring his coffee with unnecessary force, “I don’t understand how some people get promoted. That guy in Operations is always late, misses details, and somehow everyone thinks he’s brilliant.”

I smiled. “That sounds less like an observation and more like a verdict.”

He laughed. “Come on. I’m just being realistic.”

“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe you’re being human.”

He looked at me curiously.

I asked, “Have you noticed what happens when we judge someone?”

“What?”

“We stop being curious.”

I could immediately see that my words had landed and Arvind had a thoughtful expression. I continued.

“When we label someone—lazy, incompetent, arrogant, unprofessional—we close the case in our minds. We allow no appeal, no fresh evidence and no deeper inquiry.”

Arvind leaned back slowly, “So you’re saying judgment is wrong?”

“N, I would not say that. I think discernment is necessary as Leaders must make decisions. But judgment—the kind that quietly declares I understand this person completely, and I know why they are wrong—that’s something else.”

I could sense that Arvind was listening now. I probed, “Think about the last time someone judged you. You probably didn’t feel inspired. You felt defensive. That’s because judgment rarely creates dialogue. It creates distance.”

After a pause, he said, “But what if I’m right?”

I laughed and said, “Even if you are right, judgment often makes the other person stop listening. The issue is not factual accuracy. It’s emotional impact.”

He went quiet.

Then I asked, “Suppose his lateness isn’t carelessness. Suppose he’s caring for an ill parent. Suppose he works differently. Suppose the brilliance others see is something you haven’t yet noticed.”

“You’re asking me to assume the best?”

“No. I’m asking you to remain open.”

Another silence. Then he said softly, “So where does judgment come from?”

That was the real question. “Sometimes,” I said, “from our own insecurity. Comparison is judgment in formal clothes. When we are fully at peace with ourselves, we spend less energy measuring others.”

“That’s uncomfortable.”

“Growth usually is.”

As we got up to leave, he said, “You know, I was actually upset because I thought I deserved that recognition.”

There it was. It was Hurt masquerading as Anger. It was not superiority, it was vulnerability.

And that’s the thing about judgment. It often enters wearing the mask of certainty, when what’s really underneath is something unresolved within us.

Since that conversation, I’ve been asking myself a different question—not ‘What’s wrong with that person?’ but ‘What story am I telling myself about them—and why?’

Judgment may be instinctive. But awareness is a choice. And perhaps leadership begins there.

In musing……                                                                                                                Shakti Ghosal